When Being Right Costs Too Much

Have you ever found yourself in the middle of a conversation, and before you knew it, the tone shifted? What started as a calm discussion suddenly became a battle. Voices grew louder. Defenses went up. And deep down, you knew—this wasn’t really about connection anymore. It was about being right.

The need to be right is such a sneaky thing. On the surface, it feels justified—we want to be heard, understood, and validated. Too often, that desire to prove our point takes us in the opposite direction of what we truly want: closeness, trust, and connection.

Think about it. How many times have you walked away from a conversation feeling frustrated, not because the other person didn’t understand your logic, but because the relationship itself felt strained? That’s the hidden cost of needing to win: it creates distance. And sometimes, the harder we push, the further apart we end up.

The Power of the Pause

So what’s the alternative?

What if, instead of rushing to defend our position, we paused? What if, instead of reacting with certainty, we leaned into curiosity?

That pause—the moment when we choose to listen rather than to prove—changes everything. It shifts the focus from winning the argument to nurturing the relationship. It invites empathy into the conversation. And empathy has a way of softening even the hardest edges.

I remember a conversation I had with my daughter. We were disagreeing and the energy started to build. I could feel myself wanting to push harder, digging in, not understanding why she wasn’t listening to me!  I mean…I am her MOTHER!  I was WAY more committed to being RIGHT than to listening to my daughter that was scared, frustrated and asking for mom to show up for her.  “When we know better, we do better.” -Maya Angelou

What matters more: proving this point, or protecting this relationship?

Through some tough love and awesome support through my personal development journey, I learned that taking that two second breath is all the difference.  Instead, I have learned that when I feel defensive, frustrated it is often my desperate need to be “right”.  Instead, I know recognize that feeling, btw…I still WANT to be right!...and take a breath.  When I am able to get curious and be with the person rather than be right, it feels so much better.

Choosing Connection Over Control

Here’s the thing: letting go of the need to be right doesn’t mean silencing ourselves. It doesn’t mean our perspective doesn’t matter. It simply means we value the relationship more than the scoreboard. We choose connection over control.

When we do, something beautiful happens. Tension gives way to trust. Arguments give way to openness. And relationships grow stronger—not because one of us won, but because both of us felt heard.  Vulnerability creates connection.  Sometimes that vulnerability can simply be, “I am feeling frustrated right now, I need a break so we can work this out together. I want to hear you not fight with you.”

So the next time you feel that urge to prove yourself rising up, pause. Take a breath. Ask yourself, Is being right worth the distance this could create? Or is connection more important right now?

Most of the time, the answer is clear: connection is worth far more than being right.